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The kind of person that crops love out of their life after the third date, that’s who. So why are we still making up “how we met” stories and laughing awkwardly/adding the “actually” modifier to “they met online”? Pro: Just when you’re scraping the bottom of a Ben & Jerry’s pint and complaining to your cat about how you’re sooo bored and you’ve met everyone worth knowing in this dumb city a million times over, and you’re gonna start looking for a place in [city college BFF lives in] tomorrow… Because he exists, in every single city, on every single site.

But not too specific because most people don’t love 18th-century colonial architecture AND Maya Angelou. Pro: You know what’s more relaxing than spending an entire Sunday hungover, in sweats, on the couch, eating Mexican/Chinese/Italian, talking to your girlfriends about what happened last night and watching reality TV marathons? Pro: You know that one picture that someone you love took of you when you’d just found out some awesome news or did some kick-ass thing at work, or maybe you were traveling and you’re all glowing and the lighting’s perfect and you’re not wearing that much makeup because you forgot all about it that morning and yeah girl, you look TONED at that angle, you been doing pilates? Con: I don’t know the percentage of people who post profile pictures of themselves from five years, two inches of hairline, and 20 pounds ago, but that number is HIGH. Pro: Unlike at the bar, where staring at anyone for more than six seconds can get you beat up or roofied, here you can stare all you want. You’ll end up sitting across from Pam from accounting in a strategy meeting and only seeing “MBA ISO BBM 4 sum PDA, NSA” plastered across her forehead.

And you want to be specific, because we’re looking for someone who really GETS you, you know?

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