Married affair discreet dating
People make their choices, but I think a non-judgmental description of these six kinds of affairs (but with a tinge of humor) can help people deal with them with greater awareness and responsibility. John and Kim met through work and felt a strong physical attraction. The lust affair is often short-lived, and passion can slide downhill pretty fast as the excitement declines or under-riding emotional issues surface again.
It can also fade if the lovers discover that there wasn't much connecting them beyond sex.
I find that people in this kind of affair find something in each other that's lacking in their "real" relationship, and they're not dealing with that.
Aside from the challenge of remaining on the chaste side of the sexual borderline, such "lovers" must hope that their primary partners continue to believe they're telling the truth.
With Tiger Woods back in the game after his "bad decisions" admission on ESPN, I couldn't help but recall George (not his real name), who had consulted me about how to deal with his new affair.
Visions of Woods, Jessie James, Mark Sanford, John Edwards, and others came to mind, along with the similar stories of countless patients over the years.
She subsequently discovered that the man was only interested in a narcissistic conquest, and he quickly dumped her.
They're seen as a lifestyle choice; an option for men and women yearning for excitement or intimacy that's lacking or has dulled during a marriage.
It definitely felt like much more than just a friendship. Linda, who was my patient, said that neither of them wanted to disrupt or leave their primary relationship, or "mess it up." So, they chose to keep it platonic.
That level of intimacy and intensity makes it an affair of the mind, if not the body; it's more than just a friendship.
But before that awakening occurred, she suffered, and she still had to deal with the reality of her marriage and how to heal her own trauma. Can you call it an affair if the "lovers" don't have sex? They became very close, working together on a volunteer project.
Paul was married, and Linda was divorced but living with a boyfriend.