Jokes dating one liners

Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.” – Gregory House funny one liners " data-medium-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. w=786&resize=786,786&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" data-large-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&resize=1140,1140&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" class="alignnone size-full_bleed wp-image-888697" src="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&h=1140" alt="funny one liners" width="1140" height="1140" srcset="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.” – Unknown 27. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis 35. “There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope 48. “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.” – Lenny Bruce 51. “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno 54. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld 56. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.” – Joan Rivers 57.“Consider the daffodil…and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.” – Jack Handy 28. “They lie about marijuana: ‘Marijuana makes you unmotivated.’ Lie. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” – Jimmy Carr 41. I used to teach class like this, – Maragaret Cho 43. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin 52. “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…” – Sarah Silverman 55. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. ' She said, 'In the lake.' (Henny Youngman)Never go to bed mad. (Phyllis Diller) Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both. Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, my wife, new to boating was having a problem.“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” – Unknown 16.

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“I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.” – Unknown 14.The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat.In the morning the day after I was married, the phone rang.' Reverse charges call from Jackie, 'said the operator.' Will you accept the charges?' I couldn't think of anyone that I knew who was called Jackie; so I said no and put down the 'phone.

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