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Q In your practice, do you notice people treat people they meet on an app differently than they do people they meet in real life? Some of my clients conduct the bulk of their early relationships over text.Once they have met someone in person, they have the opportunity to reconcile their online communication, their online persona (or edited self), and the projections that have been brewing in the subtexts of their texts, with a real-life person.Texting relationships have an aspect of controlled exposure, with a lower risk of rejection. But if we don’t practice in real life, then we lose the muscle of social and emotional intelligence in dating. It’s that we need to find a way to stay connected to our moral compass, our integrity, and our intuition.It’s important to be able to notice if we’re acting compulsively and to be able to draw limits with ourselves and with others.
It’s similar to the way mainstream porn has become a form of sex education.
On another, though, it reinforces a consumer mentality around dating that often focuses on convenience and instant gratification.
Shopping for romance, relationships, or even just casual sex doesn’t always yield meaningful results.
Or: There may be a connection, if we’re willing to take the risk, and the anxiety and vulnerability that comes with it.
As much as we want to inoculate ourselves against vulnerability with our devices, vulnerability is the very nature of courtship.